Yesterday was my birthday, which had me thinking about my entire life. I was wondering how I got here and more importantly how I survived the things I survived as there were times that were so extremely difficult and painful I felt like I was walking through fire. Not the beautiful mesmerizing bonfire type of fire, I was walking through like an inferno, a blaze so hot and so wild with flames so powerful I wasn’t sure I would make it out the other side. There was suffering so deep at times, I thought or rather I knew my soul was dying and I heard the whisper “save yourself”. I didn’t know how to do it at the time, to find my way back to my soul, but I knew I had to keep walking through the flames, I had to keep feeling the burn and taking the next step to come out the other side, and eventually thank GOD I did.
I had strayed so far from my truth in my attempt to please everyone around me, that I didn’t even know who I was. I was whoever you wanted me to be. I had a smile on my face, a glass of delicious wine in hand and an army of kids over every day that I fed, nurtured and loved. I had a job, I planned vacations, I disciplined my kids and took the hit for it. They didn’t like me much, hated me at times, and I refused to allow them or anyone for that matter to break me. I will say, the teen years literally brought me to my knees. Would I trade any of it? If someone handed me a magic wand to wipe the slate clean and have a do over, would I take it? Not in a million years. Every day that I walked through that fire made me who I am today. Every moment of suffering, the tears, the struggle, the heart ache was molding a woman so unbelievably strong and fearless there is nothing that will keep me from standing in my power and stepping into a life so beautiful it will surprise even me.
I walked through that fire to double back and lead others through. To hold space for the women who will come after me, who believe they are nothing, who believe they are insignificant and not worthy of living to their fullest potential. I can extend a hand and pull them through and provide the love and perspective, to shine a light and illuminate their beauty and strength and power they have been blind to all these years. They have no idea what they are capable of, and in fact are afraid of setting themselves free. There is so much comfort in the discomfort. It’s so safe to play small and follow the herd even if your soul is dying. I am here with the magic mirror to show them their beautiful reflection, to love them all and guide them back to their truth.
Can you imagine how we could change the world if every woman saw her true value and worth? We are seeing women stand in their power and go after the men who have sexually harassed them for so many years. The divine feminine is rising and will shape the world. This movement has begun. The stone that has been pushed ever so slowly up hill has now crested the top of the mountain and will only gain power as it accelerates taking down every powerful man who thought they could break a woman. I ask those who are reading this, do you know who you are? Do you have any idea of what you are capable of? It is time to delete the old programming. It is time to step into your power. It is time, to know your value and stop allowing people (or yourself) to limit your potential! Transformation can only begin when you change your story. The truth can only be revealed when you have the courage to stand up and say this is who I am and know despite the critics and the naysayers, the cream will rise to the top. The people who are critical are envious and trapped in their paradigm of fear. They don’t have the courage to do what you are doing. Losing them only makes space for the people who will lift you up, who will cheer you as you become who you are meant to be.
We don’t have to be Oprah, we don’t have to make a six figure income, we don’t have to BE something. We only need to be the best version of ourselves! We only need to love ourselves and by doing that, set and example for all the young women coming up behind us so they in turn will love themselves enough to set boundaries, to see their worth, to stand in their power! What I realized as I thought about what it took to create the fullest most beautiful expression of me is that all those challenges were necessary to become who I am today. Every person who challenged me did me a favor. They played their roles perfectly as I played mine perfectly. The shift happened when I stopped being a victim and started to see the lesson, the gift being offered by every person who judged me, who antagonized me, who made me feel less than. So today I thank every one of those people for providing the circumstances that allowed me to grow spiritually. Each detour taught me about compassion, love, forgiveness, not only for others, but towards myself. It all came back to me. As I felt compassion for the other, I was feeling compassion for myself. As I forgave the others, I forgave myself. As I loved all of humanity, I loved myself. It returned to me. It all began with me. It is from me, through me, to me, like a complete circle of love that I’ve learned to share with every human encounter. All those years I was walking through the fire, I was burning off all the shit I was carrying around and what was left was beautiful and pure energy. Instead of killing me, that fire purified me and created an even better version of myself. If you are walking through the fire right now, take my hand. I’m here holding space for you because when you emerge on the other side of the pain, you are going to be a better version of yourself. Happy Birthday to me! The best year of my life is about to begin, and I can’t wait to see who I become!