Have you ever noticed how people keep showing up exactly as themselves? We expect at that next gathering they will be different, tweak the one thing that will change their life, but here they are again, exactly as they were last time. Every year I work on something and last year it was judgment and separation from the EGO, both such tough ones to tackle. It was the year of total acceptance and releasing my attachment to specific outcomes in all my relationships. It was the practice of completely detaching and releasing my agenda towards anything and everything. I used to want to help/fix people and it took me forever to realize the only person I could fix was myself. I could only heal myself, create the best version of myself and by stepping fully in my power, have a positive impact on the people around me. When I took responsibility for that, things started shifting, my relationships started changing. My ability to love grew exponentially.
Allowing people to show up as themselves, not the version I want them to be is the biggest gift I can give. I had to allow people their faults, just as I have faults. I had to have compassion for the deeper story behind their behavior. Traumas that people have experienced from their childhood, or sometimes, past life traumas carried over into this life create behavior patterns that sometimes make no sense. Everything is so clear looking from the outside in, but for the relative or friend we are watching make poor decisions, for the person in it, the way isn’t always clear. They are in the weeds and can’t find their way out. Sometimes they don’t want to.
Are we sharing information about ourselves with friends, family, the Facebook world because we want recognition, or to create an image of who we think we should be? Are we sharing information because we want to share our bliss? I often ask myself, what is my motivation for sharing this post? If I feel it’s Ego, I don’t post it, I check myself. I think the whole glossy image thing isn’t about validation from someone else, it’s about us NOT validating ourselves by the number of hearts and likes. It’s owning the truth about how cool we are just being our authentic selves. Ironically, once you know who you are, once you become the person you were meant to be, validation is no longer required. The opinions of others don’t matter because you stand so fully in your power and truth, nothing needs to be said, no words need to be spoken. You show up as yourself and as you do that, people see who you really are. I know this can be uncomfortable for people who have spent their entire life creating this perfectly scripted persona. Their Instagram and their photos on social media make their lives look so amazing and rich. Are they really honoring their truth? Are they wrestling with a kid with addiction or a spouse they don’t love anymore? Where is the truth and authenticity in any of it? Regardless of which side of the coin you fall on here, it’s OK. It’s OK to be you, wherever you are on this journey of acceptance. It’s OK for everyone else to be who they came here to be.
Sometimes accepting everyone is about accepting yourself. Meeting people where they are means accepting the situation and the person, even when they disappoint you. acceptance of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It’s unconditional love despite the pain they are causing you. Loving yourself enough to set boundaries. It’s about giving without the expectation of receiving something in return. I’m not saying it’s OK to tolerate verbal or physical abuse. I’m suggesting we all cut each other some slack. We all have personal struggles that people aren’t aware of. We are all doing our best, but our best may look like failure to some or success to others.
I’m not one to take selfies since I’m not a millennial, however, if I do, I want to look glossy. I want to look air brushed and beautiful, but sometimes let’s face it, I look matte. I look like I didn’t brush my hair, or there are bags under my eyes, or I look fat! This is me! Some days, most days I don’t look my Barbie best. I’m 52 years old and I LOOK 52 years old sometimes. I accept myself. I love myself, and that makes it easier for me to love others unconditionally. Our love for ourselves or others should not be conditional.
We all come into this life to have certain experiences in this Earth School. Our soul evolves or doesn’t based on our response to our experiences in life. What if every person came here to have the exact experience they are having in their life right now? What if we didn’t come here to be a CEO, or rich, or look successful by society’s standards? What if we came into this life to experience pain, disease, courage in face of adversity? What if we chose those things because despite the adversity we learned something precious about ourselves? What if we chose to struggle and we died alone in a room surrounded by whiskey bottles? Does it really matter at the end of the day? Does it really matter what life experience we had? We are the architects of our lives and we get to CHOOSE the reality we create. We can create different outcomes by making different choices, but we must WANT to do it, no one can MAKE us do it. Allow each human being the choice around how to live their life, a choice free of your judgment and control. Allow people to be who they came here to be. LOVE as if you were watching a symphony releasing hearts/love from their instruments instead of notes.