I was thinking today about what Christmas means to me. What does it represent for me and how do I feel in the spirit of Christmas? This year I feel the deepest gratitude, and not in the casual mention of things I’m grateful for. I’m thankful for the things I’ve learned about myself and the years of inner work that have brought me to this place of complete presence and joy. Somehow all my defenses have melted away. I have lost the need to have an agenda around anything, the need to win or be right. I have only the desire for more time together with my husband and sons. I am grateful for time spent with my family and my dog. I’ve released the pressure on myself around achievement because I know I am enough by being me. The gift I have given to myself is complete inner peace.
My perfectionist self is gone, I’m staring at my dead Christmas tree as I type this! Holiday cards to friends didn’t go out. I did not get that perfect holiday card photo with the dog and my kids. My husband wrapped his gifts to all of us in foil which I thought was hilarious. I used to have perfectly wrapped presents with small ornaments and gorgeous bows under the tree. I needed to be seen and present to the world the appearance of having my shit together. The difference today is, I AM WHOLE AND COMPLETE. Whatever I do or don’t do is an expression of that. Looks don’t matter anymore. I have never felt so happy and free in my life! I no longer am a slave to the opinions of others. Finally, I have detached from the emotional triggers of the people and things around me.
I have reached a state of inner peace I never thought possible. This is the GIFT to myself, something I have worked for every moment of every day for at least the past 10 years. During that process I unpacked every ugly aspect and wound I buried deep within myself, felt it deeply and released it. I worked tirelessly to quiet my Ego, to release the inner critic, and see the humanity in everyone around me. The lessons of compassion, forgiveness, and the power of releasing judgment of everyone’s choices and behaviors were presented to me over and over until I understood that we are all human. There is a story behind the behaviors and decisions of everyone who has ever emotionally triggered the hell out of me. Their behavior was merely a reflection of their own suffering as was mine.
It took a long time to fully integrate and connect to my highest aspect of self. The journey required tremendous courage to follow my own path, to stand alone off to the side while the rest of the world told me my value as a human being was based on my handbag or car or my income. That’s not where my value lies, that’s not who I AM. I am light, I am pure energy and potential. This incredible space of BEING and PRESENCE has been chosen by me. There’s complete silence and peace within me. For all the doers in the world, those who cannot sit still and listen to their heart, I bear witness to your stress and anxiety. Just one moment of silence can change your world, for it opens the door for another and then another. Connection to yourself is the prize, but it requires time and consciousness. Faith is required as well as the courage to face yourself and your truth. Tears cleanse the soul. It’s time to release everything that no longer serves you. Your evolution and ascension will birth the next level of knowing and being. The field of potentials is infinite.
Christmas for me has been the gift of experiencing grace in every moment regardless of the beauty or pain of it. I’m here holding space for those in need and feeling unconditional love for everyone around me. If you are reading this, I honor your journey and your ability to overcome everything you have faced to this point in time. Everything is possible. The miracles are ever present but great trust and faith are required. It’s in our darkest moments that we are asked to go within, to know that our inner being is stronger than any challenge we are facing at this time. The neatly placed heart breaks and challenges are the foundation of our character and offer incredible growth for our souls. We choose how we show up in this world, and we do it for ourselves, not for the recognition of others. Know and accept the ultimate truth around who you are (not who you think you are).
Many of us have walked this ascension path, it has nothing to do with anyone but YOUR OWN ALIGNMENT, your discernment, your trust, and faith in yourself. I wish you all the biggest gift in the coming year, which is the gift of knowing and connection to you. There are many tools to assist you with this process, but it’s up to every individual to follow their inner compass and know what is best for them on this journey. There are many paths to enlightenment but all lead back to you and your connection to God, Source, whatever you want to call it. May you find the courage to honor yourself completely in 2020! Happy Holidays to you all!