There are times in our lives when we feel broken and defeated. It seems like life is just hammering us with challenges of all kinds and we wonder how to survive it let alone feel joy in life when we feel so deep. Our predictable response to difficult situations creates deep grooves and patterns. We continue tracing the same dance steps until the we realize the steps are outdated and no longer work for us. Humans are by nature pain averse lacking the processing tools to deal with emotional pain. Most people respond by burying it, sometimes for years, decades, maybe even a lifetime. A pivotal part of processing emotion is the acceptance of that of which you can’t control and awareness of your unhealthy patterns. The dance steps of deflection, blame, shame, and avoidance will only lead you in circles and prevent personal growth.
Things that go unresolved, our wounds and traumas are like a drop of ink spreading on a white t-shirt, eventually is starts to ooze and seep out of us. It comes out in our physical body, it seeps into our emotional state, and like the ink stain it starts to spread into every aspect of our lives. Our relationships suffer not only with others but with ourselves. It seems the more we bury in our hearts the deeper we go. The energy of our history pours like water into the vessel of our minds and bodies until we reach our limit and choose to do something different, this is where the work begins. The thing we fear is what we must face to clear all the things holding us back in life. We must go into the dark to find the light.
Some of us recognize the signs right away, while others must be repeatedly hit by a 2×4 to the head to choose a different path. Personal growth happens right on time because we are the masters of our lives, things change when we decide to change. Patterns repeat sometimes for generations because patterns are learned. Our parents and our grandparents did not model healthy ways of processing emotion, so we did not learn healthy ways to process our own emotions. We repeat what we observe, so if alcohol is the elixir, then we turn to alcohol. If shopping is what we learned would make us feel better, then we shop. The diversions are many and none of them healthy.
Our response to life is like a familiar dance, we repeat the same patterns and dance steps with the same partners until the pain is just too uncomfortable. The groove is deep and our behaviors unconscious. Everyone has their limits. Our energy field can only hold so much suffering and dysfunction, standing in our truth and setting boundaries is essential to healing. Usually the people closest to us demand that we show up as the person they need us to be instead of accepting us for who we are. We choose to betray our soul in the name of keeping the peace. We repeatedly defend and rationalize our decision to sacrifice ourselves. I wonder how many marriages are unbalanced with the giver and the receiver. Many people lack the courage and strength to find their voice and stand in their power. They have forgotten who they are and why they are here.
Healing takes time, it is hard work, and it takes patience. This is the point where we change the music and change the dance. When we silence our minds and open our hearts, we create space to feel our way through to the next step, then the next step. Slowly we remap our brains and start to create new ways of being and thinking. Expansion and change begin with the willingness to listen to the truth within us. There is a pivotal moment when you begin to think for yourself instead of take everything that you are told to believe as truth. Healing comes with awareness and consciousness. Recognizing our discomfort and where it comes from is the first step, then we are tasked with that difficult part of owning we are part of the problem and doing something about it. Over time the processing and transmuting of the unhealthy mind and programming becomes faster and easier, but it takes practice and self-awareness to get there.
The hardest thing is accepting where others are on their journey without judgment, they are showing up to the best of their ability. Their job is not to meet your standards, their job is to find their way. I had to release my attachment to outcomes and control. I learned when to step back and how to discern what was my emotional stuff to hold and to release what is not mine to carry. When difficult situations present in my life I pause and know in that moment or day an answer will come. I allow the chips to fall where they may without my involvement. It is not my place to rescue or save anyone. Everyone must save themselves. The healthiest thing I can do is recognize when I’m out of time with the music, when my steps aren’t aligned with my truth. This is when I turn up the music and create a new dance for myself, it’s the moment I choose love over fear.