I just spent the weekend with an old friend, we haven’t seen each other in over 10 years and have been friends for 27 years! Although our lives are very different (she is a farmer and I live in the City), our friendship has endured. We’ve walked beside each other through life, not always in contact, but somehow always finding each other at just the right time. We all have people who wander in and out of our lives, people who show up for us and people who drain us. A true friend never feels like an obligation or a chore. This photo is of us at Nasa here in Houston. Spending time together made my heart expand and love was flowing all around us.
True friends align with our soul. They are aligned with our truth. A real friend holds space for you and doesn’t judge you, no matter what you are going through. It’s someone who will show up no matter what time of day or night you call. It’s an unconditional bond. I know many people who hold onto people who require terms and conditions. Usually those aren’t true friends. They create conditions of convenience. Those fair-weather friends are excellent at guilting you into helping them out in their time of need, but when you need something, they ghost you. Authentic and real friends leave you feeling loved and make you laugh a lot. When you find a true friend, you feel it in your heart when you spend time together. There’s a synergy and energy that lifts both of you up.
Over the course of the weekend my girlfriend and I talked nonstop and caught up on the last 10+ years of our lives. We shared our humanity and vulnerabilities and the life lessons we have learned about ourselves waking through this journey as wives, mothers, professionals, and souls. As we’ve grown older, we have a stronger compass around what aligns with us and what doesn’t. I was sad to say goodbye, but I knew we were better for the time shared and our long overdue connection made in person. Maybe it’s time to take an inventory of your friendships and if you find you’re spending time with people who drain you, it’s probably time to step back. Friends shouldn’t charge their batteries by sucking the life out of you. We are all traveling a path back to ourselves on our soul journey. It’s critical to surround ourselves with people who are really for us. I’ve released the people who are not supportive to create space for those who are meant to lift me up on my journey.
It took me a long time to discern between a true friend and a user friend. I wasn’t good at setting boundaries when I was younger so I would go the extra mile to help someone at my own expense. I would continue to give too much of my time and energy so I wouldn’t have to deal with the push back. I learned over time how to love myself enough to be strong and set boundaries. Find your tribe! Use discernment to identify who is using you to process their own dysfunctional emotions, love them and let them go. The people we spend time with should never feel like an obligation.
When we love ourselves completely, what we are willing to tolerate changes. My time is precious, so I spend it with people who align with who I am. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not to be liked. People I am aligned with make me laugh a lot and we both feel better from the time spent together. I will not compromise myself by spending time with or interacting with people who aren’t kind to me or who judge me. I live life on my terms and invite people and relationships into my life that elevate me. This is also true about the media I expose myself too, the foods and drinks I choose to consume, and the thoughts I allow to take up residence in my head. Everything I bring into my life is for me.
Thank you Chrissy Gessling for being a true friend. I don’t know how 27 years flew by so fast! I had no idea the day you came to look at my home to rent in Hilo, Hawaii, that we would be life long friends but I’m glad the Universe dropped you into my life. I hope everyone reading this has a friendship like ours because it has been a gift. What I know for sure is the more aligned the people in our lives are with us, the better life feels!